Rusty's Memoirs

fat ugly people

2009-03-14T06:45:00.000-07:00

A conversation with one of my female friends:

Rusty: I like fat, ugly girls (sarcasm)
Friend: No you don't. What rubbish. You won't even look at a fat, ugly girl.
Rusty: So you'll look at a fat, ugly guy?
Friend: Yes
Rusty: Really?
Friend: But then I'll immediately turn my head away
Rusty: Bitch ... you're worse than me.

Survey

2009-03-13T11:05:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

Can you all please help me fill out this survey:

http://www.zoomerang.com/Survey/?p=WEB228X7S7SAHM

Thanks so much!

Rusty's Theory

2009-03-12T21:34:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago we went clubbing and I wanted Rajan to come so that I won't be the only guy going out. It was a Friday night and he was hesitant to come because he had a big midterm the following Friday (IE = International Economics). So I was trying to convince him with my theory:

"Rajan, think about it. IE is an exam where everyone will do crap anyway regardless of whether they study or not. So when you finish your exam next Friday, do you want to leave the exam feeling shit that you got screwed and that you spent so much time studying or would you rather leave the exam feeling that you expected to get screwed but you managed to have an awesome night out."

Mission accomplished: He came out that night.

Edit: Jiunn believes her persuasion skills were what got Rajan to come out and hence it was her mission accomplished. The verdict is out.

From the Swynnery

2009-03-12T21:18:00.000-07:00

Most Enterprising Business Idea of the Moment:
‘We should set up an Indian pub around here…and call it the Slum.” - Daren, my coursemate after watching the movie Slumdog Millionaire

Rusty’s love of matrices and I have to quote his incredulous speech on it: “Matrices…are like heaven. I love matrices. My longest conversation with Chin Ker was on matrices. We were alone and had nothing to do. We started talking about matrices. Chin Ker tried diverting to other topics, but I kept bringing us back to matrices…”
- True story. He kept trying to change topic or say something else but I was on a roll.

Facebook Photos Fail cont...

2009-03-01T22:16:00.000-08:00

I couldn't find one of my facebook photos but tymon very gladly found it for me. So here's the last facebook photo fail

The story was that we were doing a physics experiment for our IB group 4 project and we were testing the conductivity of lemons. Then later on I thought we'd have some fun and someone took this picture. So a few days later we were having presentations (about 30 of them ... basically everyone who had done a project) and at the end of all the presentations they put this photo up and showed it to everyone.

The worst football trophy comparison ever

2009-03-01T22:03:00.000-08:00

this is the ULTIMATE FAIL in football comparisons. Mike and I like to thrash talk about football (he's a liverpool fan and i'm a man united fan) on msn a lot so here was our latest episode (oh and this is before liverpool lost to middlesbrough):

Mike: aiight bedtime papa

Mike: gotta weatch liverpool early tmrw revive our title hopes.

King Rusty: if you think so

King Rusty: night

Mike: haha....i think the same way as your cl chances.

King Rusty: true

Mike: wahh thats the first time you've not talked cock bout your team this year.

King Rusty: cause anything can happen

King Rusty: we give a stupid goal or a freak goal and the whole away goals thing kicks in

King Rusty: and our finishing hasn't been as good as last year

King Rusty: but good enough to win the league

Mike: but why go for the goldfish

Mike: when you can get the pirahnas?

King Rusty: we want to catch more goldfish than you first

Mike: that was bad.

Mike: dont ever quote me on that.

King Rusty: and we got the pirahnas last year

King Rusty: its going in my blog lolK

Mike: well we got enough goldfish in our tank already

Mike: might look for them next year once our pirahnas start eating them up.

King Rusty: we'll have the same number of goldfish as your tank at the end of this year

Mike: yeah, then we can really go fishing together.

Mike: cause right now, its like we have to give u a handicap.

Mike: we use cheap made in china bait

Mike: and you use bait from the meditteranean

King Rusty: true

King Rusty: you do play lucas after all

Mike: playing lucas is like cutting off the tails from our old pirahnas and using that as bait.

Mike: aiight son, bedtime.

King Rusty: night, keep fishing

Mike: we're not fishing son.

Mike: we dont need multiple fishes

Mike: we're going for the giant pirahana.

Mike: once every bluemoon it comes around

King Rusty: and you're going to fail

Mike: but u gotta be ready for the catch

Mike: k out. done with fishes for tonight.

FAIL

for those of you who are confused don't worry you're not the only one.

Conversation with Zubaidah

2009-02-24T09:40:00.000-08:00

Another pointless conversation

ZubbywithaZ says: (1:14:26 AM)

so where are you now?

King Rusty says: (1:15:11 AM)

in KL

ZubbywithaZ says: (1:15:16 AM)

oh ok

ZubbywithaZ says: (1:15:23 AM)

we're gonna have sports marketng meeting on friday

King Rusty says: (1:15:30 AM)

alright

ZubbywithaZ says: (1:15:31 AM)

so i guess you're not coming rite

King Rusty says: (1:15:31 AM)

have fun

King Rusty says: (1:15:37 AM)

though i dunno how you guys will have fun without me

King Rusty says: (1:15:38 AM)

LOL

ZubbywithaZ says: (1:15:39 AM)

haha

ZubbywithaZ says: (1:15:40 AM)

idiot

ZubbywithaZ says: (1:15:44 AM)

shut up la

King Rusty says: (1:15:47 AM)

yeah i'll be there on sunday

ZubbywithaZ says: (1:15:53 AM)

we will have an AWESOME time

King Rusty says: (1:16:08 AM)

you will TRY to have an awesome time

King Rusty says: (1:16:12 AM)

and then you all will remember me

King Rusty says: (1:16:26 AM)

and then you guys will all get emo

King Rusty says: (1:16:28 AM)

and cry

King Rusty says: (1:16:37 AM)

and slowly but surely you guys will start chanting my name

King Rusty says: (1:16:43 AM)

"Rusty! Rusty! Rusty!"

King Rusty says: (1:16:51 AM)

and i shall hear your call

King Rusty says: (1:16:58 AM)

then I shall turn my head to the sound

King Rusty says: (1:17:02 AM)

and IGNORE IT

King Rusty says: (1:17:07 AM)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

ZubbywithaZ says: (1:17:16 AM)

...........

ZubbywithaZ says: (1:17:22 AM)

suren you flatter yourself waaaaaaaaaay too much

King Rusty says: (1:17:29 AM)

LOL

ZubbywithaZ says: (1:17:34 AM)

it's kinda unattractive

Facebook Photos FAIL

2009-02-24T09:21:00.000-08:00

For some weird reason, I always put weird / random photos of mine onto facebook. So I thought I'd make a compilation of them. So here it is, Rusty's random / stupid / weird photo compilation:

Taklu ... no hair

Studying Hard is our sexy ... yeah right

Don't ask

Gangster (or no gangster?)

Fake poser gangster

Good Indian nerd

The girls show their power I

The girls show their power II

Shirin came over EARLY and took this photo

I've always wanted to be with a black chick

the Left 4 Dead influence

One of my many many football injures

Flyyyyyyyy

For some weird reason, I always put weird / random photos of my onto facebook. So I though I'd make a compilation of all of them. So here it is, Rusty's random / stupid / weird photo compilation:

Not sure what I'm doing here. Outside the bus stand at SOA

The horsey face

Yes, those are chopsticks, not french fries

With Kinna's wig I think before the ISKL malaysian performance at Int Fest

At Koh Samui, some idiot is splashing me

Triangle Hair

I'M GONNA KILL ALL THE FUCKING BEES

2009-02-24T08:58:00.000-08:00

So I have found out something since moving into the apartment in August. I HATE BEES. Fine, I'm a bit scared of them (they sting!). nvm ... I'm DAMN scared of them. They're so fricking annoying and freaky. A few days ago I had left the light in the living room on and the window in that room was open. I had to go early to school for a presentation and I walked out (this is about 6 30 in the morning) of my room and ran back inside cause there were about 30 FRICKING BEES CIRCLING THE FRICKING LIGHT THAT WAS ON. SINCE WHEN THE HELL DID BEES LIKE THE LIGHT SO MUCH?? I had had enough. Then the next day I was in my room and the window was open and a fricking bee came in (and obviously I ran out). So I devised a master plan to get rid of the bee (I had too cause Jiunn wasn't home to pick it up and throw it ... inhuman person she is).

The Master Plan:

As I sat outside my room, thinking of ways to get rid of the bee, I remembered that bees like honey. So my plan was to put honey in a bowl, wait silently and still until the bee goes into the bowl to feed on the honey and then cover the bowl with a plate so that the bee cannot escape. I went into the kitchen and took out a bowl and a plate and was horrified to find out that THERE WAS NO DAMN HONEY. We had jam and peanut butter and expired milk and tons of alcohol but NO HONEY. And it was past 11 so there was no way for me to get the honey from unless I walk to 7 - 11 which takes AGES and i'm LAZY. So the whole plan FAIL.

So I needed a new plan, and after sitting next to my bedroom door outside the bedroom and hearing the bee buzzing around inside my bedroom I figured it out. THE BEES ARE ATTRACTED TO LIGHT. So I put on the light in the living room, and in one swift movement, I opened my bedroom door, put the light in my bedroom off and threw myself to the ground to protect myself. And within a minute, the bee moved to the other room and I closed my door, closed my window and continued my work in peace.

Yes, I know, I'm a genius.

Tribute to my brother

2009-02-23T07:45:00.000-08:00

My brother's so nice to me. Whenever I skype with him I ask him to pull his cheeks and he does it for me. So if anyone ever wants to see my brother pull his cheeks then just be around when I skype with him. And if he asks for proof that there's no one there, then just duck when I turn the camera towards you and you can resurface again when I turn it away from you. As easy as that.

I'm joking Pranni ... i've never done that before. Well never since the last time at least.

Theories / speculations of the month so far

2009-02-23T07:30:00.000-08:00

1. On Valentine's Day Abu Dhabi bought Daren and myself one of those v-day baskets that the elephant trip CIP people were selling. Haha and daren and me came up with a twisted theory that someone had actually bought it for Abu Dhabi but she couldn't eat all the food because she had a stomach pain and instead she decided to give it to the last two people she saw who had just happened to be Daren and me and this way she won't even have to spend any money on us. Yeah we're just being mean. Thanks for the gift!

2. My super duper bestest friend in the entire world Irina complained that I do not talk to her nowadays because I like skinny girls and I think she's fat (which she isn't even near being) so I don't want to associate myself with her so I don't talk to her. Theory FAIL. I've just been very busy with school and going out and stuff.

3. I felt this post wouldn't be complete without a shuwei and swyn pair up story (cause they're soo soo many to choose from). So anyway Swyn messaged me the other day when I was on the way to my bus back to KL:

Swyn: Rusty! Need ur help! Are u in sch?

Rusty: Whats up? I'm about to board the bus for kl haha

Swyn: Oh shoot my exam requires me to use the exam browser but u know it cant be used on mac.

Rusty: Dang. I have a mac too what anyway

Swyn: Oh freak yah.

Rusty: Or did you just want an excuse to talk to me? I'm so touched man.

Swyn: Rusty!....

Rusty: Lol i'm just joking. I know you and shuwei cannot be separated

I - Phone FAIL

2009-02-23T07:25:00.000-08:00

Conversation with my friend mike soon after he bought an i - phone

Mike: Sip son

Rusty: sip son?

Mike: Sip

Mike: Sup

Mike: A

Rusty: i phone fail

Mike: Damn spell check

[I'm still not sure what the "A" is for? I mean the argument was between "i" and "u" for sip or sup].

Concentration Tests

2009-02-23T07:23:00.000-08:00

Here guys try this concentration test:

http://www.gjk2.com/test/test.swf

And girls, take this concentration test:

http://www.concentrationtest.com/for_women/

And you guys can post in the comments whether you pass or fail.

PS - both of these are courtesy of Chinker

To your kinkiness

2009-02-23T07:12:00.000-08:00

This is a normal conversation that I have with my close friend "Kinks". I'm not sure how I started calling her that but once she got the name it suited her.

Rusty: hey sexy

Rusty: take of your clothes

Kinks: who said i was wearing them?

Rusty: ooooo

Rusty: i would take out mine

Rusty: but my housemate is here

Rusty: lol

Kinks: its okay, you can just unzip ... realll slowly and quietly

Rusty: ok i don't have a zip

Rusty: in pajamas

Kinks: even better

Kinks: are they loose?

Rusty: right now they've become tight

Rusty: because they're being stretched

Kinks: hm, what should i do to help you

Rusty: touch yourself

Kinks: LoL sorry, gotta go now!! ttul

And that my friends, is one of the NORMAL conversations that I have had with her kinkiness

Slumdog Millionaire

2009-02-23T07:05:00.000-08:00

Amazing movie man. Watched it last night and loved it.

Ofcourse, a lot of people in India hate it since they argue that it's portraying the bad side of India to the world. But I think it's brilliant. The world should see the way 70% of the world lives.

Numbing Ninety

2009-02-23T06:58:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I had reached hell, I had crossed the line, I stepped on my weighing scale and found that I had crossed the 90 kg mark. So finally something clicked in my head and I have decided to lose weight.

So a few days after that I checked my weight and it was still 90 so the next morning I decided that I would go for a run. After my run (half an hour) I checked my weight and it was 86 KILOS. Yeah I was as confused as you are. How the hell did I lose 4 kgs in one morning. So I showered and couldn't believe myself and then checked again and then I found that it was 87 kgs. So anyway I decided that I should tell Cho so that someone could be my proof that I was below 90 kgs and then it had become 88 kgs already. Wth man? Either the weighing scale sucks or I'm blind or my metabolism is very odd.

SMU Fail

2009-02-23T06:52:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago we got an email from the SA (student's association) saying that SMU had lost its uniqueness and wasn't considered different anymore.

But my favourite line was that "NUS and NTU are outperforming SMU in the job market." Totally owned. I take pity on all the first years who joined this year. Not quite what you expected is it?

Well some advice: Don't focus so much about grades but concentrate on doing what you like and enjoying your college life. Do things that'll make you happy and quit complaining and most importantly, FIND FRIENDS THAT WILL LAST.

SMU student survey

2009-02-23T06:18:00.000-08:00

I'm doing the SMU student survey.

Let me warn all those who decide they want to do it:

ITS FRICKING LONG. I gave up after the 6th page or so. Plus I'm in Malaysia and the malaysian internet isn't very conducive for waiting for the next page to come.

I actually went to the SMU SA induction or whatever they call it this year. Mind you, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT I WAS GOING FOR IT or I would never have wasted 3 hours (YES 3 HOURS) of my life there. I was surprised why so many people were there and then I realized that all the people were there because the SA had insisted that a certain number of people from each CCA must come since the SA needs to have its budget approved / passed by a minimum of 200 students (as representative of the school population). Of course no one objected (though one guy did make a small fuss which i'll elaborate on in a moment), since the SA approves budgets and gives funds for a lot of the CCA's.

One guy deserves mention though cause he DID bother to object. When the speaker asked him what his objection was and he aired it, the speaker (after misunderstanding the question) just flatly ignored the questioner and basically said that he was insignificant and it didn't matter if he was objected cause the 200 people minimum number of people was fulfilled anyway.

5 very embarrassing moments of my life

2009-02-23T05:55:00.000-08:00

In no particular order these are 5 very embarrassing moments of my life:

1. In gym class when I was about 10 and I was trying to beat my friend's record in skipping. So I tried to ignore my loose shorts thinking there's no way they would fall and then ... they fell. Thank god only the few guys who were around me saw and that I was wearing boxers.

2. In a mall waiting for a friend to come out of the toilet when this super hot girl passes by. And I just kept staring at her as she was walking toward me and then again as she passed me by, with my head shifting in one swift motion from left to right to follow her "assets". And then I look up to see one of my high school teachers standing next to me, looking at me and shaking his head.

3. Going into the girls toilet in my high school to get by suitcase cause someone had put it in there and all the girls intentionally refused to help me just to see me go inside.

4. Going into the girls toilet at the Jakarta airport and coming out to see my friends come out of the guys toilet and giving me the "wth" look. FAIL because I wasn't able to make out the signs for male and female. C'mon! It's Thailand after all!

5. Getting into a verbal fight with this asshole infront of like 20 - 30 people and threatening to have a physical fight but instead shaking hands and giving each other a hug before we sat down to "air our differences". Obviously alcohol had been involved.

BBC

2009-02-19T18:18:00.000-08:00

At the end of last sem we were studying for exams and Edward was studying for EDA (Economic Development of Asia) and he came across this term "BBC". So he asked all of us super econ students and none of us knew what it meant so I told him I'll check online.

So I typed in "BBC acronym" into google and found one of those acronym lists. And the very first entry for BBC was:

"Big Black Cock"

Amazing world we live in.

Haircut FAIL

2009-02-19T18:17:00.000-08:00

After ages and ages I have decided to continue my stupid blog.

Yesterday I went for a haircut and it was a usual story FAIL.

The last time I went I asked him to keep my hair "short" and it was too long. This time I asked him to cut my hair "very short" and he promptly used a machine and cut one side super duper short. And THEN he asks me whether its ok or not. What's the point of asking me whether I wanted it AFTER you give it. FAIL. But then again I should be able to give decent instructions to communicate what I want. I think they purposely mess up my hair cause I never know what the difference between slope and natural is. They might see it as an insult to their profession or something. Maybe similar to asking me if Manchester United is a football club or a cricket club or something.

Saya Suka Makan Di / Di Makan?

2008-01-29T00:22:00.000-08:00

My Bahasa Prof is a horny bastard.

The other day he was asking her where we like to eat so we had to reply:

Saya suka makan di (I like to eat at ...)

So about 30 people said it properly then one idiot (and the girl prof will flirt with more than any other girl) said:

Stupid hot girl: "Saya suka di makan ..."
Horny bastard prof: "YOU LIKE TO BE EATEN??"
Stupid hot girl: "oh is that what i said?"
Horny bastard prof: "I would love to eat you" *gives horny bastard smile*
Horny bastard prof again: "Guys, these things must keep within these walls only ok"
Rest of the class: "Shit she's getting A++"

TICE

2008-01-27T10:08:00.000-08:00

So recently (or actually last semester) I joined this thing called TICE (Tertiary Institutions Council for the Environment). Every year a tertiary school in Singapore takes charge and organizes something to raise environmental awareness (which is why I wanted to join) and this year its SMU's turn.

So yesterday I was chatting with one of my friends (M - yeah he asked not to say his name) and we were coming up with ways to help the environment:
1. M: PLASTIC BAGS!!!
R: What about them?
M: We can use thrown over plastic bags to cover ugly people's faces
R: *shakes head*

2. R: Blame the Koreans for wasting plastic
M: Cause of their plastic surgeries.
R: Yeah and the fact that they still don't look good after them

3. R: KL has too much light pollution ... can't even see the stars.
M: If you can't see the stars then it must be heavy pollution idiot.
R: Light as in "torchlight" retard

4. R: The other day I suggested "showering together" but no one seemed to like the idea.
M: How about not showering at all?
R: Thats disgusting.
M: We should get girls to lick us clean instead.
R: But after we get "licked clean" who is gonna "lick clean" them?
M: Then they shower lah ... that way shower only used once and everyone is happy.

Haha thats only the least sick of the other ones we came up with. Anyway the rest of the committee came up with more feasible options. Lucky I have a smart, hard working and fun group. Enjoy our Tuesday meetings already.

I'll update my blog a bit more often now. Oh and happy new year everyone

WTF Moments 4 and 5

2007-11-01T08:05:00.000-07:00

WTF moment 4:

Talib: JJ, so are you male or female?
JJ: The last time I checked I was female.
Daren: HUH?? You mean you have to check? And it changes sometimes when you check?

WTF moment 5:

JJ: Yeah and my dad had to cow the milk.
Rusty: You mean milk the cow?
JJ: Oh right. Btw how does a mother milk the baby?
Rusty: Umm ... a mother FEEDS the baby.

WTF MAN!!

WTF Moment 3

2007-10-26T01:16:00.000-07:00

It's 9 45 at night and macho was messaging me to ask me if i wanted to go for some exchange program talk or something.

after one or two messages I said:

"hey i have to call my friend in Australia. Its her birthday in 15 minutes."

Then Macho being the genius she is replies:

"15 mins? you know the exact time she was born ... weird ..."

WTF MAN. EVER HEARD OF TIME DIFFERENCE AND BEING 2 HOURS AHEAD AND THE CLOCK STRIKING MIDNIGHT TO SIGNIFY ANOTHER DAY WHEN ITS A DIFFERENT TIME IN ANOTHER TIME ZONE??

stupid

Wake up Wake up

2007-10-26T01:08:00.000-07:00

What are the first thoughts of the gang when they wake up in the morning?

Cho: "Hmm ... how should I annoy / piss off / trouble Rusty today?"

Jennie: "I wonder what Cho has decided today to annoy / piss off / trouble Rusty?"

Swan: No morning wake up thoughts. Because she hasn't gone to sleep and has been mugging the entire night.

Daren: "Shit ... I'm still alive. Now I have to go to school and mug again."

Chin: "Oh no ... My dream about trannies has ended."

Isaac: "Jennie better not want to go to that place to make me meet the waitress who gives me looks again."

Rusty: "Shit ... Who am i supposed to wake up today?"

Macro Midterm

2007-10-14T20:24:00.000-07:00

Our Macro midterm is on Wednesday. So today prof let us out of class 45 minutes early and if we wanted to we could stay back and ask him questions about the midterm. So since he never told us what the format was like or anything I thought I'd ask him.

Rusty: "Prof, whats the format for the midterm?"
Prof (giving me a cheeky smile): "The same type of questions as the practice problems on Vista."
Rusty: "How many questions?"
Prof: "I don't know."
Rusty: "Ohh so Prof Tan Swee Liang is setting the paper for us?"
Prof: "No I set the paper."
Rusty: "So you do know how many questions there are."
Prof: "No."

After that I gave up.

My dad - the rebel

2007-10-10T07:32:00.000-07:00

I've always wondered why I am so rebellious and don't like to do things the way I'm told and all. Well now I know. It's in my genes. This is a letter my dad sent to his parents and sister (Neelam) after his first year of college. He was stopping in Delhi and then going to Pune, where his parents had just moved. And his parents had instructed him to meet someone while he was in Delhi. Read on ...

"Dear Papa, Mama and Neelam,

I just received your letter. Thanks for sending it without any address or phone number on it so that I won't know where to send my reply. [note: letters were by post back then]

I will be going to Delhi next Thursday. I will be travelling by THIRD class and won't be using the first class ticket you bought me. My train will reach at 7 45 am and not 5 45 am since I'm travelling by a different train. I think the train name is Chakra Rail or something.

I will decide MYSELF what to do in Delhi. I may even choose not to meet the relatives you asked me to meet. I am old enough now for you not to treat me as a 6 month old baby. You can't control me from 2000 miles away. If I meet my relatives it will be out of my own choosing.

There is a big performance in school tomorrow. I am not going.

See you all soon.

Love,

Sanjiv."

What should I write about?

2007-10-10T02:43:00.000-07:00

10 minutes ago I was in the mood to write on my blog once again.

But I couldn't think of anything to write about. Thats when I made the mistake - I asked Swanee to give me something to write about.

In those 10 minutes she gave me at least 50 topics. Now I don't know which one to write about and therefore I am back to square one.

Bleh.

Creative Economic Policies

2007-09-10T06:48:00.000-07:00

How to deal with the shrinking economy?

1) Rusty's Production Clinic: I will make it my mission to increase Singapore's fertility rates.

2) Ban condoms. LOL

How to deal with the aging population?

1) Something I read on a blog a few days ago - Mercy Killings.

The Turkish Girl that couldn't stop talking

2007-09-04T07:22:00.000-07:00

In our EDA class there's this girl, who on first sight isn't bad looking, but once she opens her mouth her looks go down the drain. In the thickest european accent ever to be heard on this planet, she talks on and on and no one really know what she's saying. Even prof has to ask her to repeat a couple of times to figure out what the hell is going on. It would be much more productive if she wrote down whatever she had to say on the board in stead of speaking.

I could see no reason that anyone would want to look or talk to her, especially that she sits behind us and why strain our neck when we can be playing games on our comp right?

So it turned out Chinker gave us a reason to turn our heads.

Chinker noticed that she always leans forward when she speaks so the other day he told Daren to turn around. Why? To look at her cleavage.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

Who has the biggest Dong?

2007-09-04T07:07:00.000-07:00

Some of my friends are taking finance with prof Hong Dong. So his name (Dong in particular) has inspired us to make many "dong" related jokes such as:

"I'm taking Finance under a dong"

So the other day another friend comes to us and she's like "omg i saw my fling yesterday ... its so awkard." So we asked her what defines a fling. And she said "A small thing" - so obviously being guys we automatically took it in a sexual way. Seconds later Daren started asking everyone:

"Do you have a fling or a dong?"
one response: "I have a Ding"

LOL wth.

In the end we came up with the Order of the Dongs: Fling < Ding < Dong < Schlong < Flong (foot long)

Shit face - 2

2007-09-04T06:58:00.000-07:00

After 10th grade, Shit face moved out of Kuala Lumpur and our lives and into the lives of some other very unfortunate students.

She become uglier and bitchier and kept on shitting. I honestly believe that half the world's poverty exists because of her. They look at her ugliness and wonder if becoming rich will make them ugly like that so they just give up and live their lives in their own content state.

Anyway, no one heard about Shit face until 2 months ago when she randomly became the roommate of an extremely unlucky friend of mine.

This morning she told me that Shit face stole her underwear and was parading around the house in it. First of all, THATS AN IMAGE I WANT TO GET OUT OF MY MIND. Second of all, WHO THE HELL WEARS OTHER PEOPLE'S UNDERWEAR??

So obviously my friend was disturbed. After all, wearing used underwear is as good as throwing away someone else's underwear. So I told my friend to scold Shit face:

Sur Rusty says:
"nisha you're full of shit"
Sur Rusty says:
is that why you're borrowing grace's underwear?
Sur Rusty says:
cause yours are full of shit too?
Bones פ says:
HAHAHAHAHHHHAHA

But honestly ... what would you do if this happens to you and someone else "borrows" your underwear without asking and you don't have a lock or key to your door?

Shit face

2007-09-04T06:43:00.000-07:00

One day we boys were sitting and having our lunch when the ugliest and bitchiest girl in our school was walking past our table talking to her loyal side kick. We managed to hear the following part of their conversation and then burst out laughing:

Ugly bitch: I need to take a massive shit. My stomach is so messed up.

Disgusting man. But thats not even half as bad as what happens 10 minutes later when Ugly Bitch is walking back.

Ugly bitch: You should have seen it, it was green and big fat lumps and they kept falling and falling.
Ugly bitch's sidekick: Really?
Ugly bitch: Yeah you should have seen it.

I think its quite fair to say none of us finished our lunch that day. The story soon spread and I think if she was the last female on earth no one would have sex with her (even the rabbits and they do it all day.)

From then on we she was called "Shit face"

The Hospital

2007-08-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

The entire last week my mom was in the hospital so I was in the room with her for most of the time (which is a LOT of time). So obviously I needed to entertain my mom and most importantly, MYSELF. Here are some of the things I did:

1) for my moms operation they have to cut open her knee and replace some parts. So every morning when the doctor came to change the dressing (the bandage) over the scar I would tell her that when he opened it, all the blood will come out like a fountain. So whenever the doctor came in I would start covering her face with newspaper and tell her I don't want the blood to fall on your face.

2) Someone gave my mom a helium get well soon balloon. So removed the weight that held it to the ground and tied it with tissue paper so that it'll just hover in mid air. After 2 hours I got it to float in mid air. However, the next morning the nurse confiscated it because it ended up in someone else's room.

3) I tried to do handstands against the wall. But I think my belly didn't like the idea and wanted to punish me by bringing the centre of gravity onto the ground.

4) I was told by my friend that if I'm not nice to the nurses they won't be nice to my mom. So I was super nice to everyone of them, saying "please", "thank you" and complimenting their work at every single opportunity I got.

5) My moms urnie was extracted from a tube for the first few days so I used to count the levels and tell her whether she's drinking enough water or not. The most amount of urine produced in one 6 hour period was 1,200 ml.

Sorry ... FORGET IT!!

2007-08-17T08:08:00.000-07:00

a friend apologized to me today. Just after reading my blog so try and guess which one it was:

CB says:
sorry man
CB says:
the past few months while i was working and in a bad mood i guess i was quite mean to u
CB says:
only talk to u when i need to or in good mood
CB says:
if not i was really mean to u
CB says:
sorry

What she doesn't know:

1) When she was angry or mean to me I try and push my luck to see how angry / mean she can get. She passed this test by ignoring me when I starting edging her.
2) Sometimes when she's mean / bitchy I just agree with whatever she's saying cause i'm not in the mood.

Communication gaps with the SMU girls

2007-08-17T07:51:00.000-07:00

Cool Beans:

Either she'll bombard you with so many msn messages and nudges that you have to scroll up on the page to read what you missed because the screen was shaking or if you try to talk to her and she's either not in the mood or busy you'll get mono syllabic answers.

Macho Man:

Normally I would message her when I have to ask her something but I realized she doesn't give definite answers through sms. So I decided that in stead i'll just call her and ask whatever I need. Therefore thats what I did only to be told that she'll call back later. In the end I ended up sending her a message anyway.

Rocket Girl:

Never EVER ask her anything more than a yes/no question if you intend to sms her. Sometimes I feel her phone is built only to answer either yes or no. But if you talk to her on the phone you have to be prepared and get right to the point and finish what you started to say BEFORE she hangs up which she likes to do, especially if i'm talking on the phone. I think she's out to annoy me.

Oh well, another semester, another year to bridge these gaps.

19

2007-05-10T03:47:00.000-07:00

Now i'm beginning to feel a year older. Oh well.

4 people have passed the test that they don't know of.

Miss Sahari

2007-05-09T07:05:00.000-07:00

Today Mike and me bumped into Miss Sahari on her way to her class. She's an old teacher of mine from HS. So she was chatting with Mike for like 10 minutes about his college and all and then she said she had to go and grade some papers. So we said ok we're dropping by another teacher's room, Mr. Venables. So about 10 minutes later all of a sudden Miss Sahari throws the door open and charges into the room.

"Suren. I'm so sorry. I forgot you are not a student anymore."

Jeez ... owned by an ex teacher.

Hotter

2007-05-07T07:34:00.000-07:00

When I came home after my driving test today I found out that the house water heater wasn't working.

But when my maid was telling me what was wrong I had no idea whats going on. As I walk into the house I thought she was attacking me or something.

"SUREN, GOT PROBLEM HERE" she said in the highest possible voice she can.

By the time my ear drums sufficiently recovered to regular hearing level again:

"STILL GOT PROBLEM"

"ok coming lah wait wait".

So obviously I take my time, drink some water, say hi to my grandparents and all then I go into the kitchen.

"So whats the problem?"

"Suren, the hotter not working".

"Huh?"

"The hotter not working"

Again ... "Huh?"

"The hotter, you know, for hot water."

"OHHHH, the HEATER you mean. Ok i'll fix the fuse."

The World Must Move Around Me

2007-04-30T22:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my dad drove me and my bro to his office building. He was going for work while we were taking the train and then going shopping from there. Normally he is really good at parking his car (or well ... jeep) but yesterday I don't know what happened to him. The car was parked at an angle and the front part of the car had crossed the line into the parking next to his. So as he got out of the car me and my bro told him he needs to straighten the car since he was crossing the lines. My dad was clearly too lazy to do his so he replied:

"The lines are crooked."

What goes up ...

2007-04-13T09:13:00.000-07:00

2 nights ago I realized I hadn't studied for my exam the next day so i asked my friend JJ to study with me. We went to Mcdonalds at Bukit Timah near King Albert's Park. We were going to go meet some other friends upstairs but before we went JJ wanted to order a drink a large coke.

So she went to the guy at the counter and she's like:

"Can I have a large COCK please?"

Then she realized what she said. And then in stead of pretending that nothing happened she ran and hid behind me so that the guy doesn't see her. So obviously I do all i can to help her by moving one step to the side and bringing her back into the view of the guy.

At this point she promptly ran upstairs and never came down again. What goes up does not always come down my friends.

2007-04-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

One of my friends is a Man Magnet (MM i shall call her). I just had this ridiculously funny conversation with her on msn. Just hilarious.

MM says:
guess wat
Rusty's L.A.W. - "No" says:
hot steaming sex?
MM says:
how'd u know?
MM says:
haha
MM says:
my friend just asked me what has gotten into me
MM says:
and i said
MM says:
my bf
MM says:
HJAHAHAHAHAHAHA
MM says:
ISN'T THAT THE FUNNIEST THING U'VE EVER HEARD???
MM says:
HAHAHAHAAHAHHA
Rusty's L.A.W. - "No" says:
i know you too well
Rusty's L.A.W. - "No" says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Thats damn fricking funny

Rusty's L.A.W.

2007-03-27T03:09:00.000-07:00

Willingness to L earn.
Willingness to A dapt.
Willingness to W ork.

That my friends is Rusty's L.A.W.

Haha ... i made this up myself for my Comms presentations. There were some nice catchy funny speeches and all. I'll upload them as I get them from my friends.

WTF Moments

2007-03-22T22:00:00.000-07:00

WTF Moment #1
Tim and I asked Jennie to buy tickets for the movie "300" so that when we reach we can go straight into the movie. On reaching the place we saw a line of about 30 people in the queue for tickets. We couldn't find Jennie so we started walking to another area we thought she might be. Then suddenly we hear Jennie call us. So we turn around and we see that she was the fifth person in the queue. And she just left the queue to come and tell her where she was. WTF

WTF Moment #2
We finally got to the front of the queue and Jennie said she'll use her credit card to buy the tickets cause she gets discount. Then by mistake she removed her Kopitiam card "do you accept Kopitiam card" Hilarious.

Jennie, you're the funniest person I know. It's official.

Sex Calls - 2

2007-03-22T00:17:00.000-07:00

First Jennie, now Jiunn. My friends are sick. I called her to ask her to buy Milo for me and my friends from Mr. Tea. Here's the conversation:

Me: Macho (thats what I call her)
Jiunn: Hey I'm changing.

*Silence* (At this point I'm thinking ... WTF IS GOING ON)
(Then Jiunn realizes what she said and starts giggling. Trying to redeem herself ...)

Jiunn: No lah its ok its no big deal.

(Then I hear Jennie laughing in the background. WTF IS SHE DOING WHILE JIUNN IS CHANGING?)

Me: Is Jennie also changing? (trying to steam up the conversation a bit)

But of course she ignored my comment:

Jiunn: What do you want?

Me: Can get 4 Milo from Mr. Tea for us please?

Jiunn: Ok (she struggled to say this. Maybe was having difficulty changing clothes or something)

Me: Bye.

After putting down the phone:

I was still stunned.

Me: Oh I need to blog about this ...

The eroticism of football

2007-03-17T19:32:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched the Manchester United vs. Bolton game where we thrashed Bolton 4 - 1 with some fantastic football in the first half.

After the second goal I told Jiunn (Jean for those you dunno who Jiunn is ... yeah strange i know):

"You know why I have this sweater on my lap?"
"No, why?"
"So that if I orgasm while watching the game no one will know."

Obviously that is a joke (maybe not such a strong one but a joke nonetheless)

2 hours later we're in Mcdonalds and Daren and Swanee are talking about something. Then I asked Jiunn what she wanted to ask me before (she said she wanted to ask me something about football). Then after much persuasion she finally asked me:

"Do you really masturbate while watching football?"
"WTF??"

I was stunned. While walking home after that I kept banging into trees and road signs and all. Crazy woman. Crazy randy woman

Tic Tac Toe

2007-03-15T07:44:00.000-07:00

Today for the first time in my life, I lost to my brother at Tic Tac Toe. We played a game of 5 and I lost the first game therefore losing 1 - 0 out of 5 games.

Why is this important?

This is why. Now it brings the number of things my brother can beat me in to a grand total of: 1.

For all you know, this may be a stepping stone for him. A movement onto greater achievements. Next time he might win 2 games ... or even 3 *gasp*

Pranav Rastogi ... the next World Tic Tac Toe champion?

HELL NO

Jac(k) not shit

2007-03-15T05:04:00.000-07:00

Contrary to my earlier post - Jac(k) Shit - I feel I had over reacted. Though that look of disgust should never be repeated, I have decided she is an ok person.

Other news:

Stay away from Jennie or she will ask you things related to sex.

Slow down guys

2007-03-13T22:44:00.000-07:00

I read this the other day. Very interesting.

It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for
them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2
years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.

Globalize processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense
of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a
need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow
movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate,
hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end,
this always yields better results.

Said in another words:
1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.
2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.
3. Stockholm, has 500,000 people.
4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned
companies. Volvo supplies the NASA.

The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the
hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive
early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000
employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything,
either the second or third. One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed
parking space? I've noticed

we park far from the entrance even when there
are no other cars in the lot." To which he replied, "Since we're here
early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and
need a place closer to the door. Don't you think? Imagine my face.

Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe name Slow Food. This movement
establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to
taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing.
Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it
stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger
movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.

Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness"
generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity"
(life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the
"quality of being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per
week, are more productive than Americans or British. Germans have
established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity been
driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has brought forth the US's
attention, pupils of the fast and the "do it now!".

This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower
productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality,
productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It
means reestablishing family values, friends, free and leisure time.
Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and
anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living.

It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and
more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do.
It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious
quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of
products and services, without losing the essence of spirit.

In the movie, Scent of a Woman, there's a scene where Al Pacino asks a
girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any
minute now". To which Al responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then
they dance to a tango.

Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when
we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time.
Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present,

which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time
throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how
each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John
Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".

Congratulations for reading till the end of this message.

There are many who will have stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this globalized world.

Huang Fali strikes again

2007-03-13T22:31:00.000-07:00

Today's performance was underpar and not as good as previous times. However she outdid herself with one moment of magic when she said:

"I hope you have heard what I haven't said"

Needless to say, when she did say it finally none of us heard it.

David Beckham can save the world from AIDS

2007-03-13T22:20:00.000-07:00

2 weekends ago I was in K.L. and I was watching football on television. There was this one Motorola phone advertisement that I found really amusing:

It starts with David Beckham in the middle of the screen wearing an England jersey.

David Beckham: "What comes to mind when you think of the color red?"

Silence.

Davide Beckham: "Well when I think of the color red I think .... Manchester United ..... a Red Devil .... The England Away Jersey. And now when I think of the color red ... I think of .... the new Moto - Red."

Then they showcase the new Moto-Red phone and show some snap shots of it while explaining the features. Then the camera goes back to Beckham who is holding the Moto - Red in his left hand and looking like the most important person in the entire world. Then he says:

"This phone has been designed to prevent AIDS in Africa."

WTF MAN??? did i hear it right? Was the phone really designed to prevent AIDS in Africa?

But how? Maybe it can produce free condoms with every call. Maybe it sends out radioactive signals that remove HIV+ blood from the body. WTF man? David Beckham has proved it again. People will say anything for money.

LTB

2007-02-26T01:35:00.000-08:00

Leadership and Team Building.

For the last few weeks I have been saying it should be called CSPM (community service project module) instead because I didn't really see the LTB part in it.

Until today. I always felt I was making new friends in our group and was still getting to know each other and all. But today after the scavenger hunt it felt like a second family. 7 peas rocks.

So anyway I thought I'd give each of you guys a shoutout. In alphabetical order (because i'm diplomatic of course):

Denise: You're a cool TA, provide good help (and all the nice things people generally say about TA's). But get some sleep lah ... psych is not the place to sleep.

Eileen: Probably the most creative person in the group. Oh and no matter what you feel none of us in the group really thinks that you are a sex maniac.

Eunice: "The letter of intent logo is too big." "The letter of intent logo is too small." "The letter of intent logo is still of a wrong size." Haha ... its ok. Keep pushing our group on.

Marcus: Peace maker of the group. Also a liverpool supporter, but I've decided to overlook the fact that he doesn't know a good team from a bad one (just joking. I hope I don't have to pay for that this weekend.)

Ray: Father Kang. The life of the group. Just make sure you don't start going out with Eunice. Prof said that having relationships within groups is detrimental to performance.

Sue Ling: Peace disrupter of the group. Haha i'm joking lah. She's the secretary. I enjoy our battles. I'm still thinking of a comeback to what you said to me today lol.

Xu Yan: You're a great guy and you do all the work you are asked to do (haha don't worry this is not a buffer). You're one of the most interesting guys I know. Keep the buffers coming.

Again I must add ... you're a great group and I hope you enjoyed this shoutout but (this time it is a buffer) sorry I won't be here to help out this weekend with the designing.

Sex calls

2007-02-26T01:25:00.000-08:00

This morning I was woken up by my phone ringing. With eyes half open (or half closed you pessimists), I saw that Jennie was calling me. Fighting the urge to put my phone off and ignore the call my curiosity decided that I should see what jennie calls. Even before I could say hello ...

Jennie: "Are you wearing shorts?"

WTF. I was so scared for a few seconds. I thought that Jennie is doing some kind of sex talk or something. You know like one of those things where a deep sexy woman's voice goes like "are you wearing any clothes?" or something like that.

I was so scared I didn't know how to answer. Whether to say yes or no but i had to say something cause the silence was killing me. So what came out of my mouth?

Rusty: "Are you?"

WTF again. There's this thing called thinking before speaking that I wasn't able to do.

Anyway then I realized she was talking about our LTB scavenger hunt and whether I would be wearing shorts for that or not. Jeez.

Seriously ... if you ever need a wake up call just ask her man.

Swanee

2007-02-11T23:36:00.000-08:00

For the past two days I have made Swanee angry.

And I must say it really is fun to see her angry.

5 reasons why is she angry?

1) She got rejected when she tried to apply to the FA cult of which GTH is the master.

2) She's jealous that prof likes me more than her.

3) I purposely don't reply to her on msn and watch as she writes statements like "are you there?", "why aren't you replying?", "are you doing this purposely?" and so on.

4) She doesn't like my unearned revenue joke:

What goes up and then dissapears? Unearned revenue HAHAHAHA

5) She didn't like my other joke either:

Swanee: I need to mug and mug for this class.
Sur Rusty - Sick: I need to cup and cup for this class.
Swanee: Cup?
Sur Rusty - Sick: Cup = Mug
Swanee: (starts bitching about how accountants are not funny)....

Jac (k shit)

2007-02-10T04:04:00.000-08:00

2 days ago Jac killed me.

I went to their LTB booth (they were selling flowers for Valentines Day) to make a decision about whether I should contribute 5 dollars to their cause or not. On arriving I noticed that Jac was the only one selling at that moment and she was talking to two guys about the prices. Then she turned to me and started asking me whether I want to buy anything or not. But then apparently she noticed who i am and decided she couldn't be bothered to ask me if i wanted or not. What came out of her mouth was this:

"Hey do you want to bu ...... OH"

Then she promptly opened her microeconomics book (which is apparently more interesting than me now) and started to read it. WTF??

Moral of the story: Walk in a manner that people will see your wallet / money before they see your clothes (because she obviously thought i was a cheapo and couldn't affort the flowers).

Regardless ... they didn't get my money.

Things I want to do before I leave S.M.U.

2007-02-10T03:54:00.000-08:00

1) Get a job offer.

2) Catch someone doing "things" in a GSR and then bribe them.

3) Have a picnic in the campus green.

4) Find a hiding place to stay in school overnight without anyone being able to catch me.

5) Tell a prof he / she is wrong.

6) Start a CCA called FOG (fun over grades) for those who are not in it for the grades.

7) Rename Fun Over Grades to Fuck Our Grades.

8) Meet Dean Mariano (brilliant man).

9) Say something on SMube.

10) Be remembered.

Missed opportunity

2007-02-10T03:51:00.000-08:00

Last week in FA class GTH (our prof) gave us a scenario and said "what should we do now to correct the accounts?"

Almost immediately I thought "credit cash, debit accounts receivable". But ofcourse i didn't say anything because honestly i felt it was a stupid answer and moving away from the topic.

Well guess what ... some asshole in the front row (why would anyone want to sit in the front row i don't understand) decides to say exactly what i'm thinking.

Idiot took all my praise from prof. Need to get my brownie points from other sources.

The Ant and Toothpick

2007-01-30T17:00:00.000-08:00

I did Grade 10 twice. Once in Dubai and due to the timing of the course and all I had to do 3/4 of Grade 10 again in K.L.

My school in Dubai was a very disciplined school and that resulted in us having some awesome characters, both teachers and students. There's this one moment I would never forget.

Unlike in K.L. we had all our classes in one classroom unless we had to go to the lab and stuff. The teachers were the ones who used to go from class to class. Then one day our teacher was late for class so we started making a noise when the high school disciplinary head Mr. Rai came into our class. He's a great man and very commanding.
The moment he entered our class:

Mr. Rai: Good afternoon boys (boys and girls were in separate classes)
Students: (In a very boring droning song which was our way of irritating our teachers) Good morning sir.
Mr. Rai: It's afternoon boys. Let's try this again. Good morning boys
Students: Good afternoon sir.
Mr. Rai: Good. Who knows about The Ant and Toothpick?
Students: Huh?
Mr. Rai: (becomes very passionate) One day, ant carried toothpick. The next day, ant died because toothpick was too heavy. Whats the moral of the story?
One student: Don't take on more than you can do?
Another student: Look before you leap?
Mr. Rai: You idiots ... the moral of the story is ... DON'T CARRY TOOTHPICK!!
Students: WTF???....

HUANG FALIII

2007-01-23T17:19:00.000-08:00

You know you're in Huang Fali's class when:

- The entire front row is empty.

- You find the expression BUNDLAY funny

- You know more than your prof

- You hear things like "what do you find in the supermarket? Yes its SMU, NUS and NTU."

- And "When you become richer, you change wives."

- You have to think about whether your prof is asking a question or making a statement.

- Talking about octopus' is normal.

- You are reading this blog post during class.

My mum is eyeing some guy

2007-01-23T16:49:00.000-08:00

Last night I was chatting with one friend of mine and she was giving me all sorts of advice:

Friend: just be natural
Friend: no need to act or anything
Friend: just be yourself and do what you feel like doing
Rusty: Yes mom
Friend: Bleh
Friend: Then your mom is eyeing some guy
Rusty: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Questions Questions

2007-01-21T03:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes not answering is a lot harder than answering.

On a brighter note, chelsea lost last night. I'm in a long long project meeting tonight. I just got owned by a group member. Actually only one of those was a bright note.

Dinner time. Finally getting my Mee Goreng.

Strange

2007-01-19T17:16:00.000-08:00

Strange things have been happening this last week:

I bought a milk carton that was completely white and it turned out to banana milk.

The 7 - 11 guy started laughing when my friend called me "macho".

I'm serious when i'm tipsy.

I put my contacts in but couldn't get it out for half an hour.

I caught two guys jacking off.

Swanky's playing X's and Zero's against herself.

Jiunn WANTS to watch football.

Jennie's giving me contacts.

I received a letter.

More people disturbed me on msn when i said "do not disturb" than when i didn't have that on.

At least the weekend is here now. and that means football on sunday. At least that should be normal.

Beckham the wanker

2007-01-14T01:38:00.000-08:00

From Galacticos to Galaxies. David Beckham has signed a contract with an american "soccer" team for 500,000 pounds a week. With that money, he can do almost anything. Come on, even if you don't think money is important it does have quite a high value in society. Anyway, I thought I'd share my views on this story.

Firstly, is my view on Beckham. He has enough money already. Any more money isn't really going to change much for him or his kids or his kids kids or his kids kids kids. He's proved he can reel in money. But over the last 3 / 4 years he hasn't proved he can play the football required to earn that kind of money. I would have thought that this is his final chance for redemption. Move back to the English Premier League and prove he is still the great player he once was. But he choose money over reputation. What a wanker.

Secondly, my second reason for Beckham moving to America is that the U.S.A. needs a sports hero. They had Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi, then had some boxers, then Lance Armstrong. Now they have no one. They need a new idol - Beckham. I think its more a conspiracy theory of American leaders funding the money to get Beckham into the U.S. so that he can become a national symbol and reunite the people. Soon Beckham will get his green card. Soon he'll become part of Parliament like Arnold Schwarzeneger. Soon he'll rise in fame. Face it, Soon beckham will take over from George Bush as the American President. Not that its a bad thing. Anything is better than Bush. In fact, even an idle statue will do better than him i feel. Anyway, Beckham for President?

It'll be just another wanker in the hot seat.

The Taj Mahal

2007-01-14T00:43:00.000-08:00

This winter I saw the Taj Mahal. I went with my grandad, aunt, bro and 2 cousins that I'm very close to. So anyway we took a lot of pictures there. Now you guys guess which pictures are real and which are photoshopped. Answers below all 5 pictures.

My cousins and their mom

And again?

My cousin

My cousin again.

The four boys

LOL

Ok so which pictures were real pictures and which were modified pictures? I bet you're all sitting there reading this with cheezy grins because you can identify the fake pics from the real pics.

Well sorry to remove your silly grin from your face. They're all real. Amazing right?

The most amazing thing I've ever heard anyone say ...

2007-01-13T23:53:00.000-08:00

This morning I had an LTB meeting. We met at 8 30 and were discussing potential ideas and stuff when at 9 40 our only Chinese group member comes because he woke up late. So since we had exhausted ourselves with ideas we asked him for his ideas.

There was silence.

He looked each one of us into our eyes gaining his authority over us. We were compelled to listen to him.

"We ..." he began.

Silence.

"must help ..."

Silence.

"those people ..."

More silence. We held our breaths. This might be the most profound thing any human being has ever said before.

"that need help."

"..... WTF??"

That was the most funniest amazing thing I have ever heard anyone say.

Weddings and games

2006-12-15T22:20:00.000-08:00

I attended a wedding two nights ago. I decided to go. I might meet some people with whom I would be able to chill with over the next few days I am in Delhi.

Well it turned out to be a very strange and funny experience. All the guys my age sat at one table and all the girls my age sat two tables away. Throughout the night, they were looking over at us and giggling and we were looking over at them and giggling. And nothing ever happened. A lotta talk happened "I'm gonna go there and ask her to dance." but then they'd start giggling and it became "I'm not gonna go there and ask her to dance." Was a very funny experience.

Later when the guys and girls had finally mixed we were sitting in a circle just takling when some genius decided to play this game where one person asks a question and everyone has to answer. Its a no holds barred game so anything goes. So one of the questions was: "If you and your friend were driving a two seater car and you see an old women who was dying and the girl of your dreams on the road side, what will you do. Most people said something like i'll stay with the girl and make my friend take the old lady to the hospital to save her. Then it was my turn and I was thinking of something funny to say when:

Rusty: ummm ... now lets see.
Cousin 3 (suddenly jumps all excited): I KNOW I KNOW. You'll make the hot girl take the lady to the hospital and you'll stay with your friend because you're gay.
Rusty (embarrassed and looks down)

Needless to say, I didn't manage to find any people to hang out with

Delhi Traffic Association

2006-12-15T22:08:00.000-08:00

Indians want to use everything as much as they possibly can. Now this is a great thing to do in most cases. But in the case of driving I would not advise it.

In India, traffic is a huge problem. And its greatly because of this mentality that they want to use every square inch of the road as humanely possible. On a three lane road, cars somehow create two more lanes and make it a 5 lane road. When we stop at a traffic light, I am not able to even open my door because the car next to us is so cramped up. If all the cars were white and you are looking down at the traffic from a helicopter all you will see is one massive white box in front of the traffic light.

Anyway, the Delhi Traffic Association is doing their part to improve the traffic. In fact, from the International Airport in Delhi to where I live, traffic going in the same direction has been seperated by a divider. The left two lanes for buses and trucks and right two for cars. Needless to say, traffic had improved. Then suddenly it got very terrible. Now I was baffled, why would traffic suddenly be so bad? When I found out why, I was baffled at the Delhi Traffic Association. These geniuses had put a bus stop on the right side road. So all buses who were moving along fine now had to cut through and opening in the divider into the cars traffic and move to the extreme right side to reach the bus stop. They then had to cut back to another opening in the divider and go back into their side of the road.

Baffling. Just baffling

Hormones

2006-12-15T21:57:00.000-08:00

My mother, her cousin and her uncle were having this discussion:

Mother: Yeah my leg is very bad. The doctor says I could need a surgery.
Cousin: Don't get a surgery. The success rate isn't that great. Uncle took all sorts of medicines and now he's fine.
Mother: Uncle, what injury did you have?
Uncle: Osteopeorosis. They treated it with some herbal ayurvedic medicines and now its fine.
Cousin: Yes. But uncle has always been so fit and this injury was so sudden it was strange.
Mother: Must be hormonal.
Rusty: "Men don't have hormonal changes when they're old ........"
Mother: Maybe uncle's not a man.
Uncle: ????

A trip to the Bazaar

2006-12-14T08:15:00.000-08:00

My grandad is the worst person a shopkeeper would want in his shop. I went with him, my mom and her sister to the local bazaar where they sell all sorts of things. Here's what happened:

The first shop we went to was a utensil crafts shop where one ang moh was buying a lot of stuff. My grandad holds one bowl up and he's like:
Grandad: Do you know where this was made Suren?
Suren: Nope
Grandad: It was made in Kashmir, you can make out by looking at the design and the type of material.
Suren: Thats cool.
Grandad: But this finishing is not done so well. It will break quite easily within a few months.
Ang Moh guy leaves the shop without buying anything after hearing my grandad.

Later we entered a carpet shop and my grandad starts talking to the person next to him.
Grandad: This carpet is not done properly wowen ... just look at the edges. The design and colour aren't that great either. I'm not too impressed about this carpet. What do you think?
Person standing next to him: I made these carpets.
Grandad: You still haven't told me what you think of the carpets.
Person: I think they're nice.
Grandad: Maybe you should stop making carpets then.

And to another shop:
Grandad: This shirt looks very nice.
Shopkeeper: Thanks
Grandad: How much does it cost?
Shopkeeper: 150 rupees.
Grandad: Is that a good price or will i have to bargain?
Shopkeeper: You'll have to bargain.
Rusty: "........wtf?"

Note to Self - 2

2006-12-13T12:01:00.000-08:00

Remember to find out where you are going before you go.

This afternoon I had to pass some stuff to one of the aunties and when i reached what i thought was her place i found i had entered a day care home. So i had to go back home and find out the proper adress and then go back. Jeez ... "all of the bones in my body are hurting"

Where are your bones?

2006-12-13T11:56:00.000-08:00

My grandmom had walked more today than she normally does. So later after dinner, my grandad and grandmom were sitting and chilling with me when ...

Grandmom: Oh i'm so tired.
Rusty: Yeah ... you walked a lot today.
Grandad: Its good you're getting out of the house more.
Grandmom: Every bone in my body hurts.
Rusty: So you have bones outside your body too? ....
Grandad: Bones can't burst.
Rusty: ..... what?

Anyway it turned out my grandad misheard. He's a bit hard of hearing. He heard burst instead of hurt. Strange things are happening here.

Think fast

2006-12-12T08:36:00.000-08:00

For some reason I'm having this memory of a game my father used to play with me and my brother to test our reflexes and our situational awareness.

Sometimes when we were walking into the room with two glasses of water in our hands for our parents, my dad would throw a small pillow to see our reactions. Whether we drop the class and catch the pillow or ignore the pillow and keep the glasses safe. The other scenario was that he would throw something valuable at us while we were not holding anything valuable and he would see if we would catch the valuable and breakable thing or hold onto the invaluable t-shirt or whatever we were holding. I found it quite an interesting way to test our reflexes.

Regardless, after the first time i dropped the glass, I never failed to do exactly what was expected of me.

I'm cold

2006-12-12T08:18:00.000-08:00

Today I was to have yet another family dinner with yet another part of my family.

I, as always was looking for a way to annoy or irritate, so I against the commands of my family decided not to wear warm clothes as it is less than 10 degress. I thought that would be enough for them to look at me in disgust and leave me alone. How wrong I was. So I had to get dressed by undressing my warm clothes and I waited for an hour for the guests to arrive. All this while I'm listening to the whining of everyone telling me how I will freeze and die of cold and so on.

So after one hour of waiting the phone rings. Apparently, the family that was supposed to come for dinner can't because the daughter is sick. For a family that has 3 maids, I find this quite ridiculous. Maybe they decided that quarantining the whole family would make the daughter alright. I should have asked them if they were holding the phone with a glove when they called. We might catch the sickness through the phone line for all you know.

Jeez ... i know they're out to get me. They probably have camera's in our house and they're sitting huddled over the screen laughing at me freezing in my non warm clothed attire. Well then ... I can't wait until they do show up. I'm going to personally put myself in charge of the food serving. It'll be funny when the entire family comes down with diarrhea. Then they have a reason to stay at home together.

You're missing out

2006-12-12T05:01:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I was offered an Indian Delicacy by one of my Aunts who was here for one of our family meals that we have every once in a while.

Aunt: Try it suren, Its really good.
Suren: No thanks, I won't like it.
Aunt: How do you know that?
Suren: I don't like the smell.
Aunt: You don't know what you're missing out.
Suren: I'm not missing out on anything.
Aunt: Yes you are.
Suren: No i'm not. If I don't know what it is i'm supposed to miss out on, how can i miss out on it? And if I try it, then I won't be able to miss out on it because I have tried it. So in all fairness, I can never be missing out on it.
Aunt: (thinks of comeback)............You're still very cheeky.

"Enjoy your day"

2006-12-12T02:27:00.000-08:00

So yesterday this family was over for dinner. When we were finished and everyone was leaving, the man of the family (my uncle) gave each person a goodbye wishing.

To my grandparents: Thank you and long life.

To my mom: You will have a long life.

To the servant: Work hard and you will have a long life.

To me: Enjoy your day.

I was like ... "...... wth?" He doesn't even tell me i'll have a enjoyable day. He just says enjoy it. What if its a terrible day? Must I still enjoy it? And what about all the other days in my life. Am i not going to have a long life? Thats not fair. Blah ... strange person he is. The only conclusion i can come to is that he got mixed up between me and the servant. Yep ... that seems only logical.

Or maybe he ran out of nice goodbye wishing for everyone and I was just unlucky.

Or maybe he doesn't give a shit about me. Shit. Well i don't give a shit about him either.

The Indian Boys in my family

2006-12-12T01:58:00.000-08:00

So over the past two days, I have been to three family meals with three different sets of relatives of mine and have encountered 3 different Indian Boys from my family. Now each of them are around my age and have lived in India their entire life.

This is what happens at these meals. We meet, enter the living room and say hi. I'm introduced to people i haven't met for 10 years and yet I have to say I remember meeting them so that they don't feel upset only for them to not remember meeting me and make me upset. Then we are all brought drinks (non - alcoholic ofcourse) and sit while everyone asks the kids one by one where they are studying and what they are studying. Then once that is done they say "why don't you kids go to the other room and watch t.v. or play board games" as if we're 5 year old kids. So we go to the other room where we're forced to make conversation.

Now let me tell you about each conversation i had with these 3 guys:

Cousin 1: So how many girlfriends do you have?
Rusty: Umm ... i had one but we broke up recently.
Cousin 1: Oh ok ... i have 3 (grins stupidly).
Rusty: Good for you.

I went home that night wondering how the hell can anyone have 3 girlfriends. So i decided the next time i get a chance to ask I will. Luck came my way the next day.

Cousin 2: Hows the females like in Singapore?
Rusty: They're there.
Cousin 2: You don't have girlfriends?
Rusty: Define girlfriends.
Cousin 2: Umm ... i guess a girl with whom you have romantic relationships with.
Rusty: Ok ... then i had one but we recently broke up. Cousin 1 told me he had 3 yesterday. How the hell can you have more than one girlfriend? Strange person.
Cousin 2: Umm ... i have 4 girlfriends.
Rusty: Define romantic relationships.
Cousin 2: Like you know ... kissing, holding hands and the sort.
Rusty: How the hell is that possible?
Cousin 2: What do you mean?
Rusty: How can you have romantic relations with four girls at once??
Cousin 2: I don't understand you.
Rusty: What the hell do you think i'm saying. For your brain ... how can you hold the hands of 4 girls at one go with your two hands??
Cousin 2: ...... (stares at cieling dumbfounded)

That was a very frustrating time for me. I decided I won't get involved in having a conversation with any other of my cousins. So this is what happened with cousin 3:

Cousin 3: So you have any girlfriends?
Rusty: I'm gay.
Cousin 3: ............... (long silence)

(After a while)
Cousin 3: Have you seen the latest nokia phone?
Rusty: I dislke the concept of a mobile phone.
Cousni 3: ............... (long silence)

And that was the end of the conversation. And that was probably the best conversation I've had with any of my cousins so far this trip or ever i guess (apart from my two clsoe cousins in bombay).

Double 0 , 0 or triple 0

2006-12-12T01:39:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I made an address list for my grandad on excel so that i could print it out and he could use it rather than the one he wrote in his shaky handwriting.

There was one number we came across - 25100032.

And he read it out to me as "two, five, one, double zero, zero, three, two."
Suren: "You mean 'triple zero' right?
Grandad: "No ... i mean double zero, zero."
Suren: "But thats triple zero."
Grandad: "No ... its against the rules."
Suren: "There are rules for naming numbers? ....."
Grandad: "Just write the number."

Note to Self

2006-12-12T00:34:00.000-08:00

Remember to differentiate between capcicum and chili before putting it in your mouth. Your tongue is on limited life.

Old people should stay old

2006-12-09T00:56:00.000-08:00

I say this with regards to a conversation i had yesterday with my grandad.

Its very cold in Delhi (compared to singapore at least). So i have to wear some warm clothes. Yesterday I wore a blue shirt with a sweater on top. Now i didn't tuck my shirt in so it was showing below my sweater. So this is my conversation with my grandad:

Grandad: "Is this the new style? To have your underclothes showing underneath your cardigan?"
Rusty: "No, I just don't believe in tucking in my shirt."
Grandad: "Oh you young people ... this style is called something. I can't remember the name."
Rusty: "I don't think it has a name."
Grandad (jumps up): "I KNOW!! I REMEMBER!! ITS CALLED A THONG!! YOU'RE WEARING A THONG!!"
Rusty: "........ I think that your underwear not undershirt...."

Then later:
Old dying uncle: "I like your clothes with the undershirt sticking out. It looks young."
Grandad: "Yes, these young people are into all these kinds of things. I don't think I'll ever learn to like thongs like Suren does."
Rusty: "ummm....."

Old people ... please stay old. You were young once, you had your chance. Don't spoil our fun now. Thank you. Go back to your walking sticks and fake teeth.

New blog

2006-12-08T22:03:00.000-08:00

Now that I'm in college and have been for the last many months, I decided I should have a new blog. This blog is no different from my previous ones except that it is now focused towards my college friends and they will be able to understand some of the inside jokes and so on.

Rusty's memoirs contains no private information. Many people blog to cry or be emotional or whatever. If you cry or become emotional from looking at this i'm sorry. But its not from any of my stories. Oh and a lotta the stuff is made up. Enjoy it.